just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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