Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
