And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
