Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
