hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
