what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
