No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
