I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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