So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
