I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
