My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
