God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
