Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
