I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
