Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
