aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
