I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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