you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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