We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Hippo gnu deer
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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