we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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