Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize