Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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