hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
