I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
