sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
