I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
