Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
