I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
