I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
