i jhust puked up my retainher.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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