Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
