my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
That accounts for only three of the penises
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I have post one night stand depression
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