Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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