Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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