I just pynch a tree in the face
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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