You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
