I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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