I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
