apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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