At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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