We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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