we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize