In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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