Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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