i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
