Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
