So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
