hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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