You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
