remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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