Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
