yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
