oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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