Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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