maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
