He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
