I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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