He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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