She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
