Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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