If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
