Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
